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At one point, S lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling texture, giggling, but also crying a little. "I feel like an NPC in my own life," they said. It was a heavy thought delivered with the levity of someone watching the stucco swirl into galaxies. We spent the next two hours deconstructing our "brands." We talked about the masks we wear for the subscribers versus the raw, unpolished mess we are with each other.